it seems i've traded sleeping solid awkward hours of the day for a "normal" sleep schedule with the promise of waking up every morning to a terror of a dream. just weeks ago i thought to myself, "isn't it weird how i don't dream so vividly anymore?". that thought alone should have been a warning for the nightmares to come. i don't know why but dreams have always, for lack of a better word, intrigued me. maybe its the mix of colors or lack-there-of. maybe its their ability to allow me to knock out a painting instantly the next morning. maybe its just the cut-and-paste memories and guest appearances of people i don't give second thought to during the day.
i'm not one to think our dreams are trying to tell us something, but the one that jolted me awake this morning has been messing with my train of thought all day.
i stood in his backyard. it was the same party from the middle of the summer that specifically marks when things so obviously took a left turn. it wasn't exactly the party or the events that took place there that made summer take a different direction, but everything going on outside it that was purposefully hidden from me.
so there i stand in that foggy backyard. i'm not sure if the fog was the actual weather or the both thin and thick streams of smoke from cigarettes and illegal substances i sometimes have to fight to ignore. he pulled at my hand, but not the sweet 'let's go away together' kind of way. it was an abrasive and 'i'm in charge of your emotions here, remember?' tug. this is where my dream decided to go off the path of what actually happened.
that hand-pull then led to a game of cat and mouse, well more like shark vs. shrimp. he'd pull i'd follow, he'd turn around, i'd see his face, i'd try and run away, he gripped tighter. this went on over and overr until i jolted up seeing it was light outside and wondering how my dream had gotten the metaphor of the current state of that relationship so spot on.
what do i do next? i have no clue.
"meet me in montauk."
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